The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
