he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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