I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
