Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
