He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
