do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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