Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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