we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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