im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
it's like iHOP with fire
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
