I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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