if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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