you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
