Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
