You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
