you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
