I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
