Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
