Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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