Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Man, jail baloney is awful.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
