mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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