tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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