You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
