He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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