I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
