i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
