Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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