You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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