we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
and she was petting her beer can
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
