Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
