Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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