dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
