ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
