The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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