Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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