Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
