Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
