More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
