your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
