Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
