i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
