dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
