Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
