I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
