I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
its not stalking. its research.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
