Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
