I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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