Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
