I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
