so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
