Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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