"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
