Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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