I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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