I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
