Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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