No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
