just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
