she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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