the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
