he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
This house was built for laser tag.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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