he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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