He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
