Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
