Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
