i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
