I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
