Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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