so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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